House

We have lived in the same house since Hayden was just under a year old, about 13 years now.     In Brian’s letter he had hoped that financially I would be able to stay in the house.   I have thus far but it’s a catch 22.   The house has seen so much […]

Read More →

Fear

I joke that this blog should really be called “Fearful Widow” but I couldn’t seriously call it that and instead named it Fearless Widow in hopes that it would be a self fulfilling prophecy.   You know how your thoughts become your reality type thinking.   I’m thankfully not nearly as fearful as I used […]

Read More →

Fog

     Those first days and weeks were such a blur.   I felt like I was in a fog.   Family and friends swooped in and I went on auto pilot.    Planning his memorial service and dealing with insurance, legal paperwork, social security and all those things that I never thought I would […]

Read More →

Mark

Mark came into my life extremely quickly after Brian’s death, like a month after quickly.    I know this is shocking and alarming to many that I could be with someone else so soon but that is just how it unfolded. I had actually met him twice before Brian died which is really odd to […]

Read More →

Why?

Why is something that I will never know until I meet him on the other side.  I just have to learn to live with the questions.   He did leave me a long five or six page letter and I’m very grateful that I got that as I have met other widows who didn’t get […]

Read More →

Shock

Five years ago January 26th was a Saturday and at about this time I was getting the kids into the car to drive to the airport and look for his car.   A black Ford Explorer in a sea of other Ford Explorer’s.     He had gone out of town for a one night […]

Read More →