Today is May 8th, 2018. 16 years ago today Brian and I got married in Jamaica. Boy, I don’t know what I would have thought if you had told me that day that he would be gone just over 10 years later and by how he would go and that my life would take […]
I think most widows wrestle with their rings soon after losing a spouse. Do you still wear them and if so for how long? Do you wear them on a different hand? Do you put them away forever? Here it’s five years out and I’m still wrestling with that. […]
I’ve always loved spring when the earth comes alive again but it’s all the more glorious now since Brian died. He died in the bleakness of January. Matched his frame of mind too I suppose. Everything so brown and dead and lifeless looking. I vividly remember mentioning non-chalantantly that “the news […]
It’s the eve of Haley’s 10th birthday and I find myself thinking a lot about him the past few days. She was only four when he died and has had five birthdays since he’s been gone but again this year I feel the lack of his presence to celebrate another year with his daughter. […]
I know Brian wouldn’t want his legacy to be the way that he died. Deep in my soul I know that he was as surprised as we were when he realized what he had done. Others may see it differently and maybe it’s a way to protect myself but I really feel that […]
The three of us just got back from a short three night trip to Branson to finish the end of spring break. We had a great time, I spent too much money as usual but I still had those feelings of something missing, someone rather, many times during the trip. On vacations like this […]
As you may know from my last blog I have lived in this house for almost 13 years now and much of it sits exactly as it has since Brian died 5 years ago but every once in a while I will come upon a hand written note by him tucked into a book or […]
We have lived in the same house since Hayden was just under a year old, about 13 years now. In Brian’s letter he had hoped that financially I would be able to stay in the house. I have thus far but it’s a catch 22. The house has seen so much […]
I joke that this blog should really be called “Fearful Widow” but I couldn’t seriously call it that and instead named it Fearless Widow in hopes that it would be a self fulfilling prophecy. You know how your thoughts become your reality type thinking. I’m thankfully not nearly as fearful as I used […]
Those first days and weeks were such a blur. I felt like I was in a fog. Family and friends swooped in and I went on auto pilot. Planning his memorial service and dealing with insurance, legal paperwork, social security and all those things that I never thought I would […]
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