The three of us are getting ready to go on a short 8 night RV camping trip.   This will be the fifth time I have rented an RV since Brian’s death.   You can say that I have been bitten by the RV bug for sure.

Brian and I never rented one together but he kept looking up used ones for sale and showing them to me online shortly before he died.   Saying that maybe we could buy an older one with his upcoming bonus check and spruce it up a little.    We had no business buying an RV at that time and he also talked about getting a treadmill so he could start exercising again so he had a lot of plans for that bonus.   Unfortunately, he died before getting that check.    Just another reminder how terrible mental illness is.   He was making plans for a future just a short time before he planned the end.

Once I quit my job I realized that I could travel for weeks at a time if I wanted to so our first trip was to Yellowstone for nearly three weeks and it was amazing.    Since then we have rented one for our annual Horton family camping trip that we have been doing for years around the same time.    When Brian was with us we camped in a tent but now I camp in an RV.     Last year we went to Yosemite and had our near death experience on the cliff but that was still a great trip although traumatic but A LOT of driving for me since I am the only driver.    This year we are going to Arkansas to camp with my dad and three sisters and crew and then kids and I will camp in Branson for 5 more nights after that.

Something about freedom in an RV makes me so happy.   I literally get giddy when I pick it up.   It’s so exciting wondering what the next stop will be like and setting up “home” with a different view all the time.    I would love to own one someday and be able to go away for a quick weekend whenever I wanted.     It’s great time with my kids and we make lots of memories for sure!    I know Brian would have loved it too.    I haven’t gotten Mark in it yet but one of these days I’m hoping he can join us for a couple nights.    He just took us on a big, amazing trip to Mexico so he has pesky things like work standing in the way.    I just got a new job with a company that is 100% remote.   I have dreams of selling my house and living in an RV full time and traveling around to different places but then I have kids and a boyfriend and it’s obviously a fantasy at this point.     I do think I will eventually own one and take long trips.  There are so many places in the United States that I have yet to see.

I have noticed that my RV trips are always over Fathers Day.   While I still have my dad and Mark is an important dad in our lives, my kids don’t have their father and this holiday is the biggest reminder of that for me.    Commercials and ads everywhere for weeks leading up to it and it just pains my heart.    I don’t know how much the kids notice that but in the five years since they have lost their dad we have been away in an RV making memories and essentially avoiding Fathers Day.   It hasn’t been a conscious thing but interesting that we are always away on an adventure.   Escaping.

While I was writing this blog the news talked about the suicides this week of Kate Spade and now Anthony Bourdain.  So very heartbreaking.   They had a psychiatrist on the phone who said suicides don’t come out of nowhere.   They usually involve alcoholism, depression or a previous suicide attempt he said.   I beg to differ.   Brian’s suicide certainly came out of nowhere.   He wasn’t an alcoholic and had no previous attempts.   I now know he suffered from depression but he covered it up so well that his suicide certainly came out of nowhere to everyone who ever knew him.

Now that we are seasoned RV’ers I have a stockpile of what I need in the garage so I don’t have to buy any extras.  I have my special keurig, ice maker, even specific sewer hose I like.  ha ha.  We just move in our clothes and food and we are off.  Oh and of course Hayden brings his Xbox and hooks it up to the TV in my bedroom to play FortNite so he’s happy too.    If you see me driving the RV next week give me a big wave!!