Tomorrow marks five years since Brian’s death by unexpected suicide.   It’s still hard to say that word.   Five years since my life turned upside down.    Hard to believe.   Sometimes feels like yesterday and others like a lifetime ago.    I feel a change.    Maybe finally reaching a point where I’m not living in the shadow of his death.   I don’t want my identity to be as a suicide widow who is stuck in the prison of that.   I want to be an empowered widow of suicide that can reach out and help others by sharing my story.    It’s been quite a story and lots to unravel from the past five years.   Moving on, moving forward, taking chances…or not,  all while deeply grieving.      I feel an urging, a pull, to do something, somehow.    I think I’ll start by sharing my story with a blog.

This was our last full family picture, August of 2012.   Five months prior to his death.