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  • Texts

    September 16, 2018September 16, 2018

    Just had to share these old texts between then 8 year old Hayden from his iPod and Brian in the days before he took his life. January 25th is the day he didn’t come home. February 27th I think he was thanking him for a sign that he was still around and the last one…

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  • Frame

    September 14, 2018September 14, 2018

    Frame  Okay, so I was thinking of writing a blog post tonight and then got a last minute idea while watching YouTube Instant Pot videos to do a video post instead for a change.   So the link above is a an unedited, unshowered (what is up with my hair??) rough video but it’s a…

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  • Art

    July 1, 2018July 2, 2018

      Art was essentially my step dad and grandpa to my kids.    Together for 17 years he and my mother never married but that didn’t diminish their relationship.   They were certainly a team that worked well together. He was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in May of 2017 and passed away peacefully on Friday,…

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  • RV

    June 8, 2018

    The three of us are getting ready to go on a short 8 night RV camping trip.   This will be the fifth time I have rented an RV since Brian’s death.   You can say that I have been bitten by the RV bug for sure. Brian and I never rented one together but…

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  • Imperfect

    May 18, 2018May 19, 2018

    When Brian died it  it took me completely by surprise.   No inkling even in the back of my mind that he was ever capable of this.   If you had asked me prior to his death if I thought he might go that way I would have said absolutely not, never, not an option…

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  • Rings

    May 2, 2018May 2, 2018

    I think most widows wrestle with their rings soon after losing a spouse.    Do you still wear them and if so for how long?   Do you wear them on a different hand?   Do you put them away forever?     Here it’s five years out and I’m still wrestling with that.  …

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  • Spring

    April 19, 2018April 19, 2018

    I’ve always loved spring when the earth comes alive again but it’s all the more glorious now since Brian died.    He died in the bleakness of January.   Matched his frame of mind too I suppose.   Everything so brown and dead and lifeless looking.    I vividly remember mentioning non-chalantantly that “the news…

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  • Birthdays and Holidays

    April 10, 2018April 11, 2018

    It’s the eve of Haley’s 10th birthday and I find myself thinking a lot about him the past few days.   She was only four when he died and has had five birthdays since he’s been gone but again this year I feel the lack of his presence to celebrate another year with his daughter….

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  • Legacy

    March 31, 2018April 1, 2018

    I know Brian wouldn’t want his legacy to be the way that he died.   Deep in my soul I know that he was as surprised as we were when he realized what he had done.    Others may see it differently and maybe it’s a way to protect myself but I really feel that…

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  • Just Three

    March 19, 2018March 19, 2018

    The three of us just got back from a short three night trip to Branson to finish the end of spring break.   We had a great time, I spent too much money as usual but I still had those feelings of something missing, someone rather, many times during the trip. On vacations like this…

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